In Response to Marie

Hello Marie,

Thank you for dropping by to read through my blog. I was a bit surprised, though, about your comments. But here is to share with you and my readers my thoughts and beliefs in response to your comment.

It is not important to me whether the God I believe in is a male or a female nor do I need to determine what name should I use to refer to Him. What is important is that I know God is the beginning and the end of all things.

To what shall you base TRUTH? There has to be something that will give support to its meaning. How about LOVE? A lot of times it can only be likened to something that can be grasped by our mind and still cannot be explained fully. JUSTICE is what allows people to live in harmony with one another. A person's FREEDOM is the most important state one would want to have. HOPE is what we have when we don't have what we seek. PEACE is a state that makes us be settled or satisfied amidst all chaos.

These very things you subscribe to are the very things that makes God a significant being for me. I cannot determine somebody to be the origin of these things except God who is the Prime Mover of all things.

If I do believe in God, does that mean my life and my future is determined by Him and on what He has planned for my life? If this was so, then it will not matter whether I do good or evil. Whatever act I shall make now will not have an effect on my future since it has already been determined by God. I will still receive either a blessing or a curse. But this is not what I believe in. What I do believe is that God has planned good things for my life. I just need to decide whether to receive these things by believing in Him or choose otherwise.

Indeed, logic can explain that whatever we do now will determine our future. I can believe this and still believe in God. It is God who provide meaning to my goals. I can conquer the whole world and yet find myself empty and at a loss. But with God, I realize the significance of the things I do in this life: that this life of mine is meant to be shared with others and lived for His glory. That is why I do the things I do, I believe the things I believe, I share the things I have. With that said, I think I am already following my Mind, Heart, and Soul.

I used to be the Master of my Fate and the Captain of my Soul, but all these I gave up to glorify the One who is my true Master and Captain. For in Him do I live, I move and have my being and found significant meaning in my life. TRUTH, LOVE, FREEDOM, HOPE, PEACE... They became the fruit of what I do and believe. I know more of these good things will come. But I don't think I received JUSTICE. If I did, I would've received punishment rather than all these good things. Isn't our God great? He is!

May He be glorified forever!
Amen!

A lesson on Humilty and Obedience

Last March 23, we had an Easter Celebration for Ang Lingkod ng Panginoon(The Servant of the Lord) or Lingkod (Servant), Christ Youth in Action (CYA) and Bale Ning Guinu (The House of the Lord) or BALE(House). I was the invited speaker for that event.

During the event, there were some changes that were done. Instead of just giving a talk, I also led the worship (after discussing it with my leader in BALE). That made me change my approach from giving the talk to giving the talk as an exhortation. However, it didn't seem to have went well. I got some feedback but I didn't feel the impact yet(how dense).

The next day I went to work, I didn't feel well. When we got home I opened up this feeling to my wife and also discussed the talk. Only then did I realize that the feeling was actually sadness that I wasn't able to do my best and please God.

When I came before God to ask for forgiveness, I sensed that He wanted me share the talk by writing it in my blog. With my complacency and stubbornness and pride(ouch!), it was delayed. But then, during my prayer time tonight, God showed me through the reading for today how he was pleased with David because he always follow His will (toink!). My only desire is to please the Lord so I made resolve to do as the Lord commands (I am feeling like David now). I do hope that God will bless those who will be reading it (or hearing it from those who will share it). To God be the glory. Amen.

Good night... ZZZzzz... ooppsss... I will type now. Read on...

The Retreat

Who will give the retreat?
Three weekends ago, I went to Baguio to give a retreat to two branches: Lingkod Baguio and Dagupan. I only learned that they still didn't have a retreat master and there are only three weeks left. I looked for one but each one had their valid reasons and I don't. It was quite late to invite.

But God encouraged me to do it and confirmed it when a sister texted me that they think I can do it. "As long as the Lord wills it, then I can do it." was my reply. This can be translated to "Lord, please will it that there will be another one to give the retreat". But I think the Lord heard only the first one.


What now?
And it was official. I will be giving the retreat. I prayed to the Lord to make the retreat worthwhile for the participants. I was afraid I might fail them in this area. This was the first time I am going to be the retreat main servant and have the great task to lead the participants to the Lord. So I prepared for it with two weeks left. It was a very stressful preparation for me.

I started reflecting on the theme and think of a topic. I had a lot of topics in mind but I cannot seem to finalize it. I tried to read books and got some insights. Yet they don't seem to fit. But I worked on it and I was able to create one talk (yipee!). I created a draft on the other two talks but they seem to be out of synch with the first talk. I prayed to the Lord for guidance as nothing seems to work. Two days before the retreat, I was so stressed out, exhausted, having fever and wanting to back out. But I surrendered everything to the Lord and asked Him to take over.

Retreat!
Friday night, my wife and I were dropped off the Dau Terminal by Wyatt, a brother from Lingkod Angeles and left Dau for Tarlac where we hoped to get more chances of having a bus ride to Baguio. I brought with me two books, my devotionals, my journals and my Bible. I was still praying to the Lord that He will guide me in the retreat.

As we were waiting in Tarlac, I tried to think of how to stitch it all together. Suddenly, God gave me an insight on how to begin the talk through one of the books I brought. But that would mean I have to scrap everything that I have prepared.

Peace be with you
The thought of scrapping what you prepared for two weeks with only around 12 hours left before presenting was dreadful. But not for me. Ironically, I felt at peace with the thought. God's grace was really giving me the courage to do as God prompts me and to do it in faith.

I thought it was a good idea to read the book on my way to Baguio. Apparently, most of the bus going to Baguio at that time were filled with commuters since it was a weekend. We were only able to ride on the third bus as chance passengers, with my wife sitting at the center aisle (on my bag-turned-to-seat-cushion) and I sitting at the conductor's seat (which I managed to grab while he's checking out the passengers. Sorry po.) beside my wife. We were able to get a decent seat after an hour at the back (where I wasn't able to read and got a little sleep).

We arrived in Baguio around 2am. When we settled in our hotel room, I had my prayer time and then tried to read through the book just to fill my thoughts on which one God would give for the retreat. I didn't have a clue except that I was very tired and sleepy. So I went to sleep.

God's surprises
The next day, we went to the venue, it was good to know that it was just around 10 minutes ride from the hotel. As we arrived, I greeted the participants and then went straight to our room to do the first presentation which was scheduled in less than two hours.

I just read the book again and then God showed me which one to present. It was already there and I just need to fit it into the retreat. I was done in time for the first presentation. I did the same for the second presentation in the afternoon and the third one the next day. What was amazing is that, God still made us of the preparation I did that helped me finish the presentations.

During the sharing, I learned how fruitful the retreat was for the participants. It was an answer to my prayer. God took care of making the retreat worthwhile for them. It became worthwhile for me as well. We all went home fired up and blessed by the Lord.

Looking back
As I look back at what transpired, I realized that I was taking charge of the retreat during the first two weeks that I was preparing it. But only when I let God be in control did God use the preparation I did and made everything fall into place. Because God was in control, everything was blessed and hopefully bore fruit. I, on my end, was blessed to have seen it happen again, another of God's great surprises. I saw a lot of these surprises before and I look forward to seeing more in my journey with Him. May He be glorified forever. Amen!

A short blog

I was surprised to see that my blog has already been a year old and still with only two blogs (currently one blog every 6 months). I actually have a lot of things to write but then lacks the time to do it. I am hoping that this will eventually change and I'll be able to write more frequently.

Abangan... =)

A little about my call

The Catch

"Stay in Pampanga" says the Lord. I just couldn't get the catch of God's word for me that day as I prayed before Him in the Blessed Sacrament.

Three months back, I was already contemplating if I will continue serving the Lord as Ang Lingkod ng Panginoon. I lost my perfect job at a big company just as I was starting with my IT career. This left me depressed and pushed me back to my old habits until a feeling of unworthiness crept in and led me to commit acts against God. I was ready to give up being a Servant of the Lord to becoming a servant of the world, a title that was so easy to uphold in this modern times.

God, however, wasn't easy to let me loose. I got invited to become a delegate for the NLTC in Cebu. I was very hesitant then so I prayed to God one more time, "Lord, I am unworthy. I don't deserve Your love. But You know that I love you, Lord. Please make the NLTC a venue for me to know that You still love me despite my unworthiness then I'll give you my hunderd percent."

A simple prayer yet it expressed all that I have within my heart. And so I went to Cebu. I was really ecstatic to see how "big" Ang Lingkod ng Panginoon is. Imagine there exists brothers and sisters from all over the Philippines. It was really a great experience. But the best part was while we were in one track about exercising the gifts of the Holy Spirit ( I was really hesitant to raise my hands or worship vocally during that time), our speaker, the then National Director, asked us to try it out. As I began to raise my hands and slowly speak out words of praise, I saw God coming towards me and then hugged me and said, "I love you, my son." And that confirmed it, God loves me still! And so I decided that I am giving my hundred percent, my whole life for the Lord.

As I went back, I started to look for a job. But it already reached end of December with ten interviews but none hired me. I was really uneasy about it because I would usually get hired in my first interview. So I prayed to the Lord, "I just couldn't understand why I don't get hired. What do you want me to do?" "Stay in Pampanga" is the response I got.


The Real Catch

The Lord's words were very difficult to do at that time. I was ranting to the Lord about financial security, the future of my career, my plans of going abroad and becoming successful. Yet the Lord still said, "Stay in Pampanga". It's actually my first time to hear God's speaking to me or is it really God or is it just me? So i opened my Bible and my eyes got focused on the part where Jesus said "Do not be afraid. Only believe." So I became more afraid that it is really God's word so I opened another page and spotted another verse, "Do not be afraid". Though I didn't know at that time the such words occur in the Bible 365 times, I was still afraid of what I will read next. So I set aside my Bible and opened my Come and Worship songbook. This time I read the title "Huwag Mangamba". God must have known that I have a poor English vocabulary. But that convinced me that He really wants me to stay in Pampanga.

Considering my fears, I asked God to bless me with a job that would allow me to practice my new found career in IT even with a low salary ( I realized I should have prayed for a higher one). A few days after, I remembered a brother from the community, Dennis Dizon, who was asking assistance for a website six months back and asked him if he is still open about pursuing it. I told him that he need not worry about the payment. I just wanted to help him build a website while looking for a job. But one thing led to another and after six months we\'re in business with a new partner and an office.

As this was happening, the Branch Leader then asked me to become the secretariat for the National Council Meeting which is an annual meeting of all Branch Leaders and Branch Women\'s Moderators nationwide. I used to really spend days before deciding on taking services but because I knew that God made me stay in Pampanga for His purpose I immediately agreed without even knowing what a secretariat is. I later found out that this was the heaviest service for all teams in that event.

Meanwhile, I continued looking for job opportunities in Manila and abroad (so much for trusting God huh). I also began to buy and read books that help me in my walk with the Lord. My prayer time blossomed from a 1-minute prayer to 1 hour or more time spent with the Lord. It was also during this time that there were a lot of messages coming from the Lord both from my prayer time and from other people, affirming, encouraging, correcting and guiding me in my steps.

Trust in the Lord

I began to realize a lot of things and saw a lot of areas of in my life where God wants me to grow. Our business was growing and I am undecided about my future. I was still being tapped to be secretariat for NLTC which is going to be hosted by Lingkod Angeles. Amidst my insecurities, I decided to really stay in Pampanga. That means I need to put priority on what God wants me to do and not pursue my plans to go abroad for the meantime (my parents really wanted me to go). So I let down all calls for interviews and stayed on to serve the Lord in the NLTC. Later on, after much prayers and discernment, I decided to end my relationship with my girlfriend as well to focus in the Lord. The business became a sideline and went full time for the Lord's work as I seek to give my all for Him.

After a month, our BL asked me again if I still have plans to move out of pampanga. When I told him that I have decided to stay, he immediately asked me to become the Local Conference Manager for the NLTC in Angeles. I was only able to say "Okay" and he gave me the folder full of files. Again, I was given a task that I am not aware of. But because it is for the Lord, there is no question whether to take it or not. So I went for it.

My service in the NLTC really drew out a lot of my time from work. Our partner became uneasy about this. But it is clear to me that the business is just God's consolation for me. I opened up that I am ready to give up the business. I am sure this was disappointing for our partner but we settled for a compromise. I tried to adjust at work but as October sets in, we just have to tell our partner that we will be busier. I was left in awe when our partner said it\'s okay, that he understands as he will be experiencing the same thing when his wife will deliver a child. God really takes care of things for me.

NLTC went by in a breeze. It gave us joy to see the brothers and sisters enjoy themselves. At the end of the event, I fell exhausted and sick. My prayer time began to dwindle as well. Yet, after a few weeks, our BL told me i was being considered to take his place together with two other brothers. I presented this to the Lord and asked Him to make this move strong for me to believe that it was Him who was choosing me and not the people who are selecting. He gave me His words in 1 Pet 5 about pastoring His people but I took it as a word for my position then as Service Council Leader which composed of all the service leaders in the branch.

As deliberations were made, there were certain circumstances both in my past and what I was doing in the present that would say, I will be considered least. I have also been away from the community for a year working in Manila though I was serving as Works of Mercy head that time. I didn't have any experience in the pastoral area as well.

But the day came when our BL announced that I will take his place. I was overjoyed and thanked our BL and silently thank the Lord. The joy wasn't over the position but the fact that I knew, God was the one choosing me. And I served.

Blessings

I was quite hesitant in my decisions when I started my BLship but God gave me His words from Joshua 1:9 "Remember that I have commanded you to be determined and confident! Do not be afraid [God has His ways of reminding me] or discouraged, for I, the Lord your God, am with you wherever you go." And this is what I carried with me. He led me to my most fruitful time as a servant of the Lord.

Later on I considered to live a life of Single Blessedness. After more than a year serving in Lingkod Angeles, I was called to become the regional director of Northern Luzon and served in the Lingkod National Office in Quezon City as a volunteer staff. During this time, I realized that God was indeed calling me to a life of mission, serving Him in whatever circumstances I am in. He let me see what depending on Him is all about. He provided for my needs (I've got my weight to prove it). I was also able to discern that I was for married life which means I need to prepare financially as well. The business I left was slowly picking up and we were eventually pushed to the limelight when we won top 5 in the SMART telecoms' challenge which gained us quite a sum of development grant enough to fund our operations for a few months.

I went on to finish my one year as a staff and now am back in Angeles again as President of our company, still serving in Lingkod as an action group leader in Angeles and regional director in Northern Luzon and preparing for married life.

You may say I am living a perfect life. Not yet. I still have my struggles. I stil have my share of falling down and standing up. I am still imperfect but one thing I am sure, that God will continue to hold on to me no matter what. \nNow I am not afraid... I do believe...

May Your will be my will and Your desires be my desires for my life O Lord that I may live a life for Your greater glory. Amen.

A friend of mine has been pushing me to do a blog. I was hesitant. I wasn't sure if I will be able to sustain it. More than that, I do not know if i'll be comfortable letting others know of my thoughts. I consider myself a private person. But then, last weekend, I decided to give it a try.

The very first struggle in doing this blog is the title. I was trying to come up with a great title, something that would represent me, something that would ring a bell. So I typed and then checked the availability. Guess what, the title is already taken. So I went back to thinking, and then checked... Taken... Think... Checked... Taken... I did this and even used kapampangan words (most of them taken) until finally I just gave up and settled for anything! Ring! Now that rang a bell (just a small bell used by "sorbetero" or ice cream man). And so I checked as this is quite common to kapampangans but lo and behold! it was available and http://muskinanu.blogspot.com was born. =) Others might have used "ambuskinanu" or "maskinanu" but I'm comfortable with Muskinanu.

To those reading this, I hope you'll enjoy every bit of my blog (which might be updated every other month most!). I cannot promise any particular theme or topic. I will be writing muskinanu namu (just anything) that pops up in my mind be it politics, romance, adventure, religion, inspiration or just anything. I hope and pray that whatever I share in this blog would eventually be useful for you.

Happy reading! =D