A little about my call

The Catch

"Stay in Pampanga" says the Lord. I just couldn't get the catch of God's word for me that day as I prayed before Him in the Blessed Sacrament.

Three months back, I was already contemplating if I will continue serving the Lord as Ang Lingkod ng Panginoon. I lost my perfect job at a big company just as I was starting with my IT career. This left me depressed and pushed me back to my old habits until a feeling of unworthiness crept in and led me to commit acts against God. I was ready to give up being a Servant of the Lord to becoming a servant of the world, a title that was so easy to uphold in this modern times.

God, however, wasn't easy to let me loose. I got invited to become a delegate for the NLTC in Cebu. I was very hesitant then so I prayed to God one more time, "Lord, I am unworthy. I don't deserve Your love. But You know that I love you, Lord. Please make the NLTC a venue for me to know that You still love me despite my unworthiness then I'll give you my hunderd percent."

A simple prayer yet it expressed all that I have within my heart. And so I went to Cebu. I was really ecstatic to see how "big" Ang Lingkod ng Panginoon is. Imagine there exists brothers and sisters from all over the Philippines. It was really a great experience. But the best part was while we were in one track about exercising the gifts of the Holy Spirit ( I was really hesitant to raise my hands or worship vocally during that time), our speaker, the then National Director, asked us to try it out. As I began to raise my hands and slowly speak out words of praise, I saw God coming towards me and then hugged me and said, "I love you, my son." And that confirmed it, God loves me still! And so I decided that I am giving my hundred percent, my whole life for the Lord.

As I went back, I started to look for a job. But it already reached end of December with ten interviews but none hired me. I was really uneasy about it because I would usually get hired in my first interview. So I prayed to the Lord, "I just couldn't understand why I don't get hired. What do you want me to do?" "Stay in Pampanga" is the response I got.


The Real Catch

The Lord's words were very difficult to do at that time. I was ranting to the Lord about financial security, the future of my career, my plans of going abroad and becoming successful. Yet the Lord still said, "Stay in Pampanga". It's actually my first time to hear God's speaking to me or is it really God or is it just me? So i opened my Bible and my eyes got focused on the part where Jesus said "Do not be afraid. Only believe." So I became more afraid that it is really God's word so I opened another page and spotted another verse, "Do not be afraid". Though I didn't know at that time the such words occur in the Bible 365 times, I was still afraid of what I will read next. So I set aside my Bible and opened my Come and Worship songbook. This time I read the title "Huwag Mangamba". God must have known that I have a poor English vocabulary. But that convinced me that He really wants me to stay in Pampanga.

Considering my fears, I asked God to bless me with a job that would allow me to practice my new found career in IT even with a low salary ( I realized I should have prayed for a higher one). A few days after, I remembered a brother from the community, Dennis Dizon, who was asking assistance for a website six months back and asked him if he is still open about pursuing it. I told him that he need not worry about the payment. I just wanted to help him build a website while looking for a job. But one thing led to another and after six months we\'re in business with a new partner and an office.

As this was happening, the Branch Leader then asked me to become the secretariat for the National Council Meeting which is an annual meeting of all Branch Leaders and Branch Women\'s Moderators nationwide. I used to really spend days before deciding on taking services but because I knew that God made me stay in Pampanga for His purpose I immediately agreed without even knowing what a secretariat is. I later found out that this was the heaviest service for all teams in that event.

Meanwhile, I continued looking for job opportunities in Manila and abroad (so much for trusting God huh). I also began to buy and read books that help me in my walk with the Lord. My prayer time blossomed from a 1-minute prayer to 1 hour or more time spent with the Lord. It was also during this time that there were a lot of messages coming from the Lord both from my prayer time and from other people, affirming, encouraging, correcting and guiding me in my steps.

Trust in the Lord

I began to realize a lot of things and saw a lot of areas of in my life where God wants me to grow. Our business was growing and I am undecided about my future. I was still being tapped to be secretariat for NLTC which is going to be hosted by Lingkod Angeles. Amidst my insecurities, I decided to really stay in Pampanga. That means I need to put priority on what God wants me to do and not pursue my plans to go abroad for the meantime (my parents really wanted me to go). So I let down all calls for interviews and stayed on to serve the Lord in the NLTC. Later on, after much prayers and discernment, I decided to end my relationship with my girlfriend as well to focus in the Lord. The business became a sideline and went full time for the Lord's work as I seek to give my all for Him.

After a month, our BL asked me again if I still have plans to move out of pampanga. When I told him that I have decided to stay, he immediately asked me to become the Local Conference Manager for the NLTC in Angeles. I was only able to say "Okay" and he gave me the folder full of files. Again, I was given a task that I am not aware of. But because it is for the Lord, there is no question whether to take it or not. So I went for it.

My service in the NLTC really drew out a lot of my time from work. Our partner became uneasy about this. But it is clear to me that the business is just God's consolation for me. I opened up that I am ready to give up the business. I am sure this was disappointing for our partner but we settled for a compromise. I tried to adjust at work but as October sets in, we just have to tell our partner that we will be busier. I was left in awe when our partner said it\'s okay, that he understands as he will be experiencing the same thing when his wife will deliver a child. God really takes care of things for me.

NLTC went by in a breeze. It gave us joy to see the brothers and sisters enjoy themselves. At the end of the event, I fell exhausted and sick. My prayer time began to dwindle as well. Yet, after a few weeks, our BL told me i was being considered to take his place together with two other brothers. I presented this to the Lord and asked Him to make this move strong for me to believe that it was Him who was choosing me and not the people who are selecting. He gave me His words in 1 Pet 5 about pastoring His people but I took it as a word for my position then as Service Council Leader which composed of all the service leaders in the branch.

As deliberations were made, there were certain circumstances both in my past and what I was doing in the present that would say, I will be considered least. I have also been away from the community for a year working in Manila though I was serving as Works of Mercy head that time. I didn't have any experience in the pastoral area as well.

But the day came when our BL announced that I will take his place. I was overjoyed and thanked our BL and silently thank the Lord. The joy wasn't over the position but the fact that I knew, God was the one choosing me. And I served.

Blessings

I was quite hesitant in my decisions when I started my BLship but God gave me His words from Joshua 1:9 "Remember that I have commanded you to be determined and confident! Do not be afraid [God has His ways of reminding me] or discouraged, for I, the Lord your God, am with you wherever you go." And this is what I carried with me. He led me to my most fruitful time as a servant of the Lord.

Later on I considered to live a life of Single Blessedness. After more than a year serving in Lingkod Angeles, I was called to become the regional director of Northern Luzon and served in the Lingkod National Office in Quezon City as a volunteer staff. During this time, I realized that God was indeed calling me to a life of mission, serving Him in whatever circumstances I am in. He let me see what depending on Him is all about. He provided for my needs (I've got my weight to prove it). I was also able to discern that I was for married life which means I need to prepare financially as well. The business I left was slowly picking up and we were eventually pushed to the limelight when we won top 5 in the SMART telecoms' challenge which gained us quite a sum of development grant enough to fund our operations for a few months.

I went on to finish my one year as a staff and now am back in Angeles again as President of our company, still serving in Lingkod as an action group leader in Angeles and regional director in Northern Luzon and preparing for married life.

You may say I am living a perfect life. Not yet. I still have my struggles. I stil have my share of falling down and standing up. I am still imperfect but one thing I am sure, that God will continue to hold on to me no matter what. \nNow I am not afraid... I do believe...

May Your will be my will and Your desires be my desires for my life O Lord that I may live a life for Your greater glory. Amen.